After the long discussion, I actually feel much depressed. I feel played like a toy. I for the first tme feel like I had been doomed since the very beginning. My immediate thought after the discussion was to quit Germany, go back to India and then quit my job and then commit some stupid deed. Life sucks!
Someone had been insincere right from the beginning; (I had sensed that too late) but last night, that someone not only admits that, but blmes the self’s sole having been sold (seriously?! are we reciting Faust?). Now that the cat is out of bag, she wants to be extra sincere. I had been aligning my life with her’s now that doesn’t matter to her.
On the otherhand I am not sure if she is saying that out of spite to hurt me. I hate myself right now. I pity myself right now. My sincere wish is that I will onday die in my sleep may be today tomorrow. It wold have been much more easier for me to bring that fate unto me if only I were in India. I think I should do that.
Could you master a language at B2 level given that you have just 24 hours at your disposal?
Could you as a back end deveoper learn UI framework in just 24 hours and could be competetive with those poeple who ad two years of experience to claim?
Could you finish reading a bulky book of fiction (may be LOTR) in just 24 hours?
Could you get yourself into a new branch of science, reinvent yourself and then come out virtuous even if you are at 30+ years of age?
Could you give up everything you have earned so far, start from the scratch, and then lead a life of satisfaction without weining over youe decision?
I had once asked my colleague what he would do if I were to give him a million Euros. He said that he would quit his job and settle (my response to that was “I don’t know but I will never quit my job ’cause then I would bored to death”). A few of my colleagues and ex-colleagues are not really passionate about their jobs. They see them as the only means to earn money so that they could switch someday to what they really like.
I had seen people who think life all about raising kids and amassing wealth for them (by the way I secretly admire them and wish I could be one of their types). I disparage them but have concede that are a blissy lot.
I have one particular contact who insists on halaal-way of living. Abiding by the rules, it’s-okay-to-be-schrewed, and yet the things they teach you in personality development classes, always agreeing with the established social norms and status quo etc. I am bored of such types but they seem to be too busy with life to notice that they are boring.
And then there are some people -some fictional viz. Howard Roark- Richard P. Feynman types. People who had challenged the status quo in every step they took and lived their lives full experiencing love and showing compassion. Some of those did acquire fame and wealth in their walk of life.
- I need to quit watching English movies and TV. shows (especially F.R.I.E.N.D.S. and Big Bang Theory)
- I should pick up my German and Spanish and study French
- I should find something to do over weekends (staying indoors sucks). May be I should travel.
- I should plan to quit my job and switch my field.
- I need to have a long term plan to win the Winnie the Pooh. I need to be less emotional and I should quit the fear of failing.
To be frank, I really don’t know which way I should make my steps. I am not sure if I should try to get a new job in Europe. I am not sure if I should be super-bold, super-passionate and switch to psychology. If I don’t switch, I would forever be stuck with the job I am not really passionate about. But if I switch, I would be living my nightmare of having to sit for the exams. I am not even sure if my financial reserves support my studies. May be a dialogue with me would go like this.
Me 1 : You are not enjoying this job. You are spreading your proverbial legs for money.
Me 2: I know… but what do you want me to do? Quit this easy lazy life and go after what-the-heart-says? You think I am 20?
Me 1: Ok… I get it. You are 68.45 years old. So what? A few people reinvented themselves and became a little more happy with the fields they switched to. May be you need a little fear driving you this time. After all, you used to brag about you being the careless-most about life and never wanted to live beyond 40 remember?
Me 2: Yeah. Ain’t I too old for the crud? And I happened to have some dreams recently about that 40 year thing.
Me 1 : You are old! At least you are thinking like one now. Not just old but also chicken-hearted. Really! You are thinking that now? Ah… dreams… so sleep tight you shall have more dreams. Sure! they are not hallucinations?
Me 2: Donno… I am not happy with what I am now but I am not sure what I am about to do will bring me to the borders of bliss. I don’t want to loose everything I guess.
Me 1: This clearly is not you talking. My friend! No one would even know if you drop dead right now. You have nothing to gain and so nothing to loose. Don’t hope too much. You have no strings attached and so you are the right person to do. If things go wrong just vanish. It’s not like you need a lot of money either to live or die.
Me 2: What if my numbers don’t support me?
Me 1: They should support you provided that you spend less time in being lazy and whiny. Be bold and make a move and you could be as tough as cockroach and bacteria. Did you even imagined that you would cross your village? And here you are hoping to settle in other countries. Don’t worry about numbers yet. Just live! Just go after what you want.
- The reader is aware of keycloak
- The reader knows how to configure users and clients in keycloak
What this is about:
- Just a CURL way to get a token and access a secured REST service.
Let us say you have the necessarily configured key-cloak service running at the port 8080 of your local-machine.
The curl command to get a token would be as in the below:
export TOKEN=`curl –data “grant_type=password&client_id=client1&username=useruser&password=<<THE PASSWORD>>” http://localhost:8080/auth/realms/narnia/protocol/openid-connect/token| jq -r .access_token`
The full response of the above command wold be like the below:
Once you have the token, you could use the token to access the secured web-service as in the below:
curl -H “Authorization: bearer $TOKEN” http://localhost:9090/products
Since the access_token is short lived (about 300 seconds in this case), when it is expired, the application needs to acquire a new access_token. They way to do that would be, through the fluffy animal known as refresh_token.
If I have my refresh_token stored in a variable called REFRESH_TOKEN, I would be able t get a new access_token with the command below:
export TOKEN=`curl –data “grant_type=refresh_token&client_id=client1&refresh_token=$REFRESH_TOKEN” http://localhost:8080/auth/realms/narnia/protocol/openid-connect/token`
This is good as we don’t have to send the username and password all over again. But what is not intuitive is the fact that a new refresh_token gets issued each time it has been used to get a new token 😦
Cesare Lombroso: He believed that criminal behavior is inherited and he even went on to hypothesize certain physical qualities of criminals.
- Forward Jaw Projection – high testosterone
- Low slopping foreheads
- High Cheekbones – high testosterone
- Flattened or Upturned nose
- Large Chins – high testosterone
- Hawk-like noses
- Hard, shifty eyes – deep seated uneasiness
- Scanty beard
- Insensitive to pain.
Sigmund Freud: Freud felt that people with higher superegos, who suffer high level of guilt, commit crimes as a means to attract the punishment to relieve them of their guilt. Freud identified the principle of pleasure and stated people who do not legal ways of meeting satisfying their biological and unconscious urges commit crimes.
August Aichorn: He had identified three traits humans that could lead to criminal behavior. They are:
- The desire for swift and immediate gratification.
- Placing desire over the ability to have meaningful relation with others.
- A general lack of guilt over actions.
Albert Bandura: He postulated that when criminal behavior goes unpunished, that gets repeated.
- Criminals tend to think and react in a different way right from their childhoods and driven by their impulses, self-centeredness and the emotions of fear and anger
- Criminals suffer no actual remorse although they seek sympathy
- The lesser-size of frontal lobe –the part of the brain that is responsible for decision making, emotional processing and purposeful behaviors- and/or amygdale –the seat of emotions- could spur cause criminal behavior.
- Psychopathic criminals tend to lack the capability to process the facial expressions such as fear and dread.
- Psychopathic criminals exhibit unnatural fearlessness, lack of anxiety over the future or the associated consequences.
- Criminals tend to have thinner and longer Corpus Callosum –the bridge that separates the right side from the left side. It also observed that the criminals tend to have hyperactive communication between the right and left hemispheres of their brain hence the confusion over the rational and irrational thoughts.
Cues to identify a psychopath in a natural setting:
- Shifty and secretive behavior.
- Emotional Predating: Some psychopaths will latch onto people’s emotions and destroy them from within.
- Parent Seeking: Some psychopaths make to feel like you have assumed a parental role and then use your care taking skills to expose your vulnerabilities and destroy you.
- Jekyll and Hyde characters.
- Facial and neck tattoos.
- Thirsty eyes.
Some characteristics of Psychopaths:
- Lack of Caring
- Shallow Emotions
- Lack of Responsibility
- Insincere Speech
- Narrowing of attention
I did start this year wanting to venture into Psychology. Even started a book and left it at there. Bought some more but like a young girl, waiting for her Mr-right-guy, I had been waiting for the right-moment since then. But finally, the wait is over.
But this time, I am getting a chance to study the material like a student. I will have fellow students. I will have exams. I will a chance to compare myself to an actual student. I get to tutor or tutored by a student. But in the all, it’s not just Psychology but also Criminology. About brain in depression, how-brain-works and all. Great time to be alive is when you are learning something you love. Yay!!